This is a big one for someone who can hold a grudge like none other…

I learned during my illness that harboring bad feelings, being angry and upset only spiraled me to feel worse and worse and worse — I learned that people would leave me and hurt me even though I was missing a tit and bald and barely able to stand… I learned that people would pity me and think obviously how glad they were not to be me…

I also learned that holding on to these slights, these betrayals and these absolute bad things would only bring me down worse than I was — so I instead focused on all who were shining their light to help me and promised myself that I would try to be a light for others and not be so petty so childlike and so negative…

I forgave others but more importantly I forgave myself for being a jerk for being negative and for ultimately having a body that failed. As I continue to heal from my BSO, I am still practicing forgiveness of me and all that I continue to struggle with such as forgiving others and being a light and not to shine it on me for who I am but for how I could maybe help others.