I spent most of my life hearing my relatives beg for “peace” and seeing the exact opposite — we are Italian and we fight a lot.
I also then continued my life in the world of in-between — of issues and anxieties and worries. When I first married my husband he went off to Atlantic City with a friend and went incommunicado for days — it was a few days before our local wedding, as we had eloped, and he was just missing. Something he never got was that, as an Italian woman, if I don’t hear from you in a few days I assume you’re dead.
It was a big part of my controlling tendencies (though he was just wrong for disappearing for days of course)… getting cancer meant I couldn’t be in control anymore and it highlighted I truly never was in control.
I learned early on in this process of unknowns and scary medical jargon that I could not maintain my pre-cancer mentality and I had to embrace peace and the unknown. I have done it pretty well with the partner to this and tomorrow’s gratitude preview — positivity.