I am undergoing chemotherapy Cycle Number Three. All I can do is shudder.
Cycle Two was tough. Much tougher than the first cycle. The fatigue was crushing, dizzying, mind-numbing. The GI disturbance lasted the entire cycle. The Vectibix rash is so hot and painful that my face bleeds. Mouth sores have set in, making eating a challenge. By the last day of the cycle, I am about 75 percent human. It can go down to 25 percent on the bad days.
One more cycle, and then I have a scan to determine if the chemo is working at all. If it is, perhaps three more cycles. If not: Well, that does not bear thinking about right now.
Often, my mind goes to the doctors whose neglect resulted in my catastrophic outcome. The first chapter of The Cancer Olympics is free online. It generates a lot of intense reactions. Some physicians have responded saying that it is the worst story of medical malpractice they have ever heard. Ordinary people react with shock, fear, and disgust. I was particularly gratified by this post on The Cancer Olympics Facebook page: “RAGE! That is what I feel after Chapter One. I hope you sued TF out of each one of those four miserable, pathetic, full of themselves, worthless, wretched dumbasses.” Feel free to Like that comment!
Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep” from her 2011 album 21 expresses a powerful anger, raw hurt, profound loss, and a cry for revenge. Apparently, she wrote it only hours after separating from the man who had scorned her. The song reached number one in 11 countries and the top five in many more regions. It was Adele’s s first number-one song in the United States, remaining at the top of Billboard for seven weeks. “Rolling in the Deep” received three Grammy Awards for Record of the Year, Song of the Year and Best Short Form Video. I was astonished at how much everyone responded to it. It seemed to strike a huge chord with audiences. To me, its worldwide resonance says something about the number of hurt and betrayed people out there. Most of us have been badly burned by someone.
So today’s musical selection goes out to Doctors One, Two, Three, and Four, whose irresponsibility and indifference caused me to lose my health, my career, my income, and my life.
This blog post originally appeared on The Cancer Olympics. It is reprinted with permission.