It is the eve to New Year’s Eve and I am reflecting on the year that passed and what is ahead — I am praying for continued health above all — the rest is just gravy (good or bad, it is still gravy).
This Christmas has been magical and also full of good and bad, just like life. I made the holidays work with a wing and a prayer — without working full time and with only one client left of my small business and a few initiatives with my nonprofit, it was a tight squeeze this holiday season but I made it work — which is a blessing. My kids do not care too much for material things after the past few years but of course they did need stuff like clothes and a few things for under the tree as “presents,” and though it was less then previous years, it was still a great haul for them!
I was even able to get my husband and family members meaningful stuff — and I am so happy everyone was happy. For me, I got the exact things I needed/wanted — love, togetherness and a new fitbit! My mom was sick for Christmas with a bad cough so she did not visit — with my clinical trial drug, I need to be careful for infections / germs and her medical doctor told her to just stay alone for Christmas so as to not infect everyone!
Christmas, my dad did not look too good. He was barely able to keep his eyes open — my youngest brother lives with him and brought him to the hospital that night. I went the next day directly to the hospital to see my dad — he was released the next day when I was at Sloan for my mammogram and sonogram on my remaining breast.
A stressful time but much less stressful for me and my breast — I kind of had my scanxiety under control UNTIL I was getting the mammo and sono done — then I freaked out but minimally… I got the negative reading on the mammogram — which is good and then met with surgeon’s office for a follow-up. I was told I was being discharged and did not need surgical follow-ups anymore — it was bittersweet, as I love my surgeon and the staff there (Liza for the win), but it was time for me to move on and say goodbye, God willing forever because I would only need to go back if there were an issue and we don’t want issues…
Then just last night, my mother-in-law got taken to hospital by ambulance and she is still there. It has been a lot of up and down lately and it all reiterates the belief that health is everything.
I have to say that 2018 was a learning experience for me — living post-treatment, on clinical trial for 18 months (of 24) and preparing for an international trip in the beginning of 2019 and just staying focused on sharing my story, being focused on my nonprofit and trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I have found a way to balance out my fears and stay focused on the TODAY and not worry about yesterday or tomorrow — no easy feat but with meditation, hypnosis, self-care, writing it out and being as close to me and what I need in life and what I have to do to care for myself have been key for me.
I do hope I can get to Italy in February and that I continue to grow, learn and make up my mind for my “plan.” I pray to remain NED and to finish the trial and be able to God forbid run a fever without having to run to the hospital :). What are your plans for 2019? Let’s do it! Healthy & Happy 2019 for all of us! XOXO