I try so hard to not worry, to just pray and hope instead as worry is not something I want to invite back into my life. That being said, old habits die hard. Spending so much of my life worrying about everything did NOTHING to avoid any issues and in fact could have contributed to some of them if not all of them. Yet despite this hard learned lesson, I still find myself getting worried about stuff and trying to pretend I am not instead of just trying to not worry and let go for real…
It is kind of like the whole faking-it-till-you-make-it routine we all go through on the new job, when we become parents, when we get married, etc. Life throws us curveballs and life also brings us joy. So much joy. So I am going to make a commitment to myself to learn to let go and to actually do it instead of the whole faking it till I make it.
Now worry is common as a parent, a spouse and you know daughter, business owner, budget keeper etc. but I did learn on my recent trip to Italy that having all of the fear before my trip was both baseless and useless. I also realized that having the fear was almost like my “penance” for being able to go away guilt-free and that is just sick in and of itself.
Before my trip, my husband had some issues with his mental health and I automatically got to the point where I thought canceling the trip was an option but somehow, I just knew I should not do that and in retrospect I am so glad I did not.
Also before the trip kids got sick, kids got hurt and there was the fear of something happening while I was away and they would need me to be here… Now, still, despite me just planning a weekend trip for work, I am fearful of what could happen, I have pains in my armpit (fun) and just overall worry about my blood counts, infections, travel and I HAVE TO STOP IT.
We are also contemplating a BIG change (spoiler alert — our house is for sale like NOW — buy it, please?) and I have this like little voice saying, “No, you cannot do this — you cannot leave <insert anything and everything here>” and I do feel like this is acting as a block to this potential move.
I declare it now — I am ready to move, I am ready to let go and I am ready to NOT be held prisoner by my fears and instead to live in HOPE and TRUST that all will be as it should, all will be done without me orchestrating or controlling or attempting to do so from the background. I am NOT receiving or open to worry or fear. I am instead going to listen to my spiritual father, Saint Padre Pio, and “pray, hope and don’t worry.”
What do you do when worrying creeps up on you?